1 I have a vast audience – they’re gonna love me.
2 I like the new echo and resonance of my voice on this plane – I want to hear it some more.
3 I didn’t get my own seat – BAWL!
4 Call this puree heated, call this milk warm – they are both barely TEPID – BAWL.
5 These nappy changing facilities smell funny and leave me claustrophobic – HOWL.
6 What do you mean turbulence – I WANNA WALK AROUND…
7 I was meant to be in my cot two hours ago, one minute my routine matters, then, when it suits you, my routine goes out the window – HOWL.
8 The man next to mummy and daddy has clearly tired of me. WHY AREN’T I CUTE ANYMORE? BAWL.
9 My ears hurt, my ears hurt, my ears hurt.
10 And finally – I can sense your anxiety and it leaves me uneasy – WAIL.
Oh, one more – Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? No – HOWL.